Adoption Bonding vs Natural Bonding

There is not a big difference between the two when it comes to the final result--attachment, but getting to that point can take a while. When you adopt a child, you really need to be open minded and leave your emotional needs at the door. Many adopted children reject one or both of her parents-to-be. This is a natural reaction, her parents might feel like they know this child through pics and updates, but to the child--you are strangers. In order to get through this you must be patient and earn trust through establishing a routine. Experts suggest that you limit contact with other caregivers, making sure that your child understands that the two people she is seeing the most are going to be there for her--never letting her down.
I read a story about this; A woman is married and is blissfully happy with her new partner. After a long day of activities they go to bed together and she wakes up in the morning, expecting to see her loving partner, but instead is faced with a stranger. She is shocked and upset. She mourns the loss of her partner and is forced to play the same role with this new partner. Through constant attention and love, she eventually begins to trust and love this new person and is once again happy. Unfortunately, she wakes up one morning to a new stranger. Where did her love go? It was happening over again.
This story is to help adults understand the trauma our adopted children go through. The average adopted child goes through three or four primary caregivers before they come home with their new parents. This is why adopting parents are trained, through hours of classes and instructional books on how to bond and the dos and don'ts of the process. The major dos are to establish a routine, making sure that the child feels secure, let her sleep in your room for months before moving her into a nursery, take time off work to be with your child as much as possible. The don'ts: don't leave your child for long periods of time, don't let her cry for long periods of time--you cannot spoil a baby, don't leave her with others for longer than a few hours--she needs to see your face every few hours.
I know that this is hard for people to understand, but there is a lot of information out there if you want to read about it. I strongly suggest that close friends and family members understand this and read as much as they can about the bonding process. The adopting parents are busy, tired and emotional and are trying to make sure that their child gets to know them as her parents.