Amy turns to me this week and says, "I need you to write about this, this feeling... right now... what it feels like." I wrote about when we were waiting - the anxious anticipation before court and the frustration that came from delays and bureaucracy. This week, the feeling is very different. This is now finally something that most parents can relate to - the holy crap this is actually gonna happen feeling! This might be closest to what it feels like when people get pregnant. This is the rush of all those fears of parenthood, the doubts of adequacy and preparedness, and the absolute terror that we will not be ready for what comes next. Until this point, we had worked to a goal. We were determined to get this process to completion. However, in the back of our minds, we both had doubts that it could happen. We both feared that the process would break down and leave us childless and broke. This sounds like a normal concern, but it was also an escape hatch. We didn't like to admit it, but there was a chance that it might not happen and maybe we didn't stop to believe that it was really... really happening.
I'm not sure if that makes sense, but I wanted to write it out and try to understand it. We haven't held back on this thing so far, why stop now? Now we are definitely going to be parents. As in, next week we will be responsible for a child. No longer do we just hop on the bikes and head around the block or jump in the car to go see a movie without some preparation. Life will become a bit more complicated. I might sound like I'm complaining, but unlike one of my friends at work told me this week, I don't think my life is over. I believe that this is worth it...so worth it! We will have complications and we will have joys. This is part of life that we have decided to live. That might be the hardest part for people to get, we decided. This didn't happen to us, we chose this journey. This next Wednesday, we get on a plane to parenthood, a little nervous and very excited.
-Charles
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3 comments:
Yeah! You guys are parents! The good kind!
Things do get a little slower. Patience helps. I think the process of adoption/pregnancy helps prepare you.
It now takes anywhere from 5 to 20 minutes just to get from the front door to the end of our driveway.
Nobody gives a better hug than Caroline! Joy! Pure Joy!
Congratulations Amy & Charles! I work with Charles' mom a/k/a Ella's grandma a/k/a Linda - at the high school. She showed me pictures and told me how excited she is for you and how eager to see Ella.
My husband Robert and I have been trying to adopt through Florida DCF for over a year now, as we can't afford private adoption. We have gone through an enormous amount of bureaucratic nonsense and have experienced many obstacles. We are still waiting for our home study to be completed and to be matched. So we understand your struggles and how hard it has been. All the best to both of you in your new life as Ella's Mom and Dad!
Blessings,
Renee Groening, English Teacher at BMCHS and friend of Grandma.
I woke up this morning thinking about you guys leaving tomorrow...WOW.
You know so much in your heart already, but when you lay your hands on her, your love for her will go into another dimension. This love is off the hook! lol.
PLease be safe and report back ASAP!
love to you ALL!
Jen
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