Maya Angelou is my favorite--Thanks Mom!

"I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.”
~Maya Angelou

In April, Maya Angelou was interviewed by Oprah on her 70 birthday. Oprah asked her what she thought of growing older. And, there on television, she said it was 'exciting.' Regarding body changes, she said there were many, occurring every day...like her breasts. They seem to be in a race to see which will reach her waist, first. The audience laughed so hard they cried. She is such an honest woman, with so much wisdom in her words! Maya Angelou said this:
"I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.
"I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. "I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life.
"I've learned that making a 'living' is not the same thing as 'making a life.'
"I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. "I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw some things back. "I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.
"I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.
"I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. "I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.
"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."
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Thank You

To all of you that read and comment and follow the blog, Thank You. You have no idea what it means to us to know that someone is listening. To know that you have some insight into our journey and our struggles. I am sorry that my letters to Ella are a little sad, but somehow they make me feel stronger and connected. I cherish the 20 minutes it takes me to write to her, I can see her in my head and I feel that she can hear me. Please don't give up on us, your support and comments make it better, like we are not alone. It won't always be sad!

Love,
Amy

Thu 5/14/09
Dear Ella,
Last night I had to call the airlines and cancel my tickets to Ethiopia, my ticket to come and get you. That was really hard to do. I think your Daddy is a little relieved though, because now I can't just get on a flight and go. I just want to see you and hold you and kiss your fingers and toes. I think that you must be getting bigger, I wonder if you can sit up yet. I yearn for the sound of your cries. Yesterday, I was out shopping at Publix and a baby was crying the whole time. I just wanted to pick her/him up. I cried at Publix.
There was an update yesterday from our agency. They said that it looks like we will hear something sometime next week. I hope so, I don't think that I can last much longer. Mommy is going to have to go and see a Doctor if I can't come and get you soon, all of this stress is giving me a pain in the belly--ulcer pain.
I wish I could see what you are doing right now, I can tell you what I would be doing if you were here. We would be on the carpet with your favorite toys. I would be reading books and playing peek-a-boo. You would be laughing. I see that each time I pass the rug, the big, soft wool rug that Daddy and I bought to play with you on. Please come home soon. Mommy is getting desperate. Stay strong, stay strong, stay strong.
Sweet dreams Ellie Belly, you are the most loved baby in the universe! Mommy and Daddy love you and are coming to get you soon.
Love, Mommy

Roots and Rhythms Remain

Dear Ella,

It is the 6th day since we found out that our court hearing would be postponed indefinitely. I am glad that you are too young to understand that word, because it is not a nice one in the adoption world. Mommy is holding on to whatever I can to stay strong for you. Yesterday was a better day than today, today the tears began flowing again, I don't understand tears.

A story for you:

There once was a very independent and slightly militant girl named Amy. Amy worked and went to school, she went out with her friends on occasion, but was content to be by herself. One day long ago, she and a few friends went to a Halloween festival in Ybor. It was a crazy parade and party, something Amy really didn't like, but for some reason she felt as though she needed to be there. After a few hours, she was standing alone when a man came up to her and asked if she would run away with him. Amy liked this man and immediately pulled out her passport and asked where to? The man's name was Charles and although they didn't run away together that night, because you need to get a police report and have all men supply a urine and blood sample for analysis first before you agree to date them, it was the beginning of many great adventures together. Amy and Charles were inseparable, they only felt good when they were together. Amy realized that being alone and independent were good, but when true love comes around you need to jump on board. Amy found it easy to tell Charles all of the things she kept inside and she was happy. After a few years of marriage, Amy told Charles that she had a dream. It was a dream of Africa and children. Amy had this dream many times and realized that she must go there and Charles agreed. They knew that Ethiopia was the place and after almost 2 years of waiting, they were given a picture of their daughter. They knew right away that she was theirs. It was once again true love and the couple jumped on board. They named their daughter Ella and they loved her from a distance for many months. To be continued....
That is where the story ends for now, with them loving Ella unconditionally and from afar.
Ella, I wish I could be there to tell you this story myself, but it will come to you as you sleep. May it bring you security and happy dreams to know that you are ours and we are yours.
"after the dreams of falling and calling your name out, these are the roots and the rhythms, and the roots and the rhythms remain" ..Mommy's favorite song that she dreams about, Under African Skies. Hear it and know that you are the most loved child in the universe.
All my love, Mommy

Is Forever Enough?

My Sweet Ella,

Because there is a stall in the process, I believe that it must be for a reason. Your Daddy says that everything happens for a reason, the only reason I can think of is to prepare us for loss. Most people don't understand the loss you feel at your young age, but you have lost a great deal. You lost your Mother, first nannies, and soon the nannies at your transition home. I am so sorry Ella. Mommy had not lost that much until now, although I still have you, the courts are threatening to take you away. Mommy lost the security of having you come home and I am mourning that security, it was the idea that kept me strong. I got a glimpse of what it must feel like to lose the most important thing in your life and I wish that Mommy could come and scoop you up and hold you until that sadness goes away forever. I want to hold you and sing to you and feed you and make you feel secure. I will rock you to sleep and stay by your side in case you wake. I won't leave you, I will never leave you. Not now, not ever.
"How long do you wanna be loved, is forever enough, cause I'm never ever giving you up"
I will be singing this song as I send another piece of my heart to you. Listen close and hold tight to those pieces, always remembering that you are loved more than any other child in the universe and we are coming, we are coming, we are coming.

Paddling in the wind

Saturday my mom offered to watch the shop for us. (That was huge by the way!) Not only have we not had a Saturday off in months, but we were able to spend some time together when we needed it most. We had hoped to go kayaking the week before, but this couldn't have been a better way to relax. We cajoled a couple of our friends into going with us and headed out to Weedon Island Preserve on the St. Pete side of the Gandy Bridge. The loop was a 4.5 mile haul through beautiful clear waters and shaded mangrove tunnels. We headed out in the warm part of the morning, but there was a slight breeze that kept it cool. Our thoughts were definitely on Ella and all of the ups and downs of this process. Kayaking is enough work that we were able to get some of our frustrations out and really burn through some of the craziness. The day was relaxing and fantastic but as we headed past the last marker and went for the final stretch, the wind started to really push against us. The soreness and tired muscles were starting to catch up with us and Amy was pushing hard to get back. She left me behind by a good ways and I overtook a kayak with two women in it. They asked if that was my friend that was pushing through. I said yes, "She doesn't give up." Their reply - "That's an excellent quality!" I couldn't agree more, and this week I have to keep reminding her of that fact. She won't though- whether she believes it or not.
- Charles

Mothers Day 2009

Dear Ella,

Yesterday was Mother's Day and your Dad and I spent all day visiting your Grandparents. We went sailing with your Nanan and Eepaw in the early part of the day and spent the afternoon and evening with Nana and Aunt Dedra and Uncle Luke in Orlando. Overall, it was a really nice day but a minute didn't go by that I wasn't thinking of you.
When we found out about you, my heart broke into pieces, some were so small they were carried by the wind for thousands of miles, over oceans and seas, over mountains and valleys, all the way to a tiny orphanage in Addis Ababa and they landed directly in your arms. Mommy cannot live with this broken heart for very long, so you know that I must come and get you so that you can fix my heart, because you are the only one who can. Until the day that we come and get you, you must know that Daddy and I love you and miss you. I pray every night that you are happy and they are taking good care of you. I pray that you feel safe and secure and know that no matter what happens, you are my daughter. There might be a chance that the courts don't allow us to come and get you for a long time, but you must never forget or begin to doubt that you belong to someone. You are wanted and needed and loved more than any other child in the universe. If I could, I would move heaven and earth to come and get you, but it is just not that easy. I have your room ready and everything you need to come home. You have soft beds, plush toys, silky blankets and lots of love waiting on you here. We are here, your family, and I can't wait for you to meet everyone.
Mommy has to end this letter, but I will write one each day that I am away from you. When you grow up, you will know how much we love you and how much it hurt to be away from you.
"she gives me love, love, love, love, crazy love"
You will hear that as you sleep, over and over again, I am sending it with another piece of my heart, stay strong little one and keep growing big and healthy.
Love, Mommy