Dear Ella,
It is the 6th day since we found out that our court hearing would be postponed indefinitely. I am glad that you are too young to understand that word, because it is not a nice one in the adoption world. Mommy is holding on to whatever I can to stay strong for you. Yesterday was a better day than today, today the tears began flowing again, I don't understand tears.
A story for you:
There once was a very independent and slightly militant girl named Amy. Amy worked and went to school, she went out with her friends on occasion, but was content to be by herself. One day long ago, she and a few friends went to a Halloween festival in Ybor. It was a crazy parade and party, something Amy really didn't like, but for some reason she felt as though she needed to be there. After a few hours, she was standing alone when a man came up to her and asked if she would run away with him. Amy liked this man and immediately pulled out her passport and asked where to? The man's name was Charles and although they didn't run away together that night, because you need to get a police report and have all men supply a urine and blood sample for analysis first before you agree to date them, it was the beginning of many great adventures together. Amy and Charles were inseparable, they only felt good when they were together. Amy realized that being alone and independent were good, but when true love comes around you need to jump on board. Amy found it easy to tell Charles all of the things she kept inside and she was happy. After a few years of marriage, Amy told Charles that she had a dream. It was a dream of Africa and children. Amy had this dream many times and realized that she must go there and Charles agreed. They knew that Ethiopia was the place and after almost 2 years of waiting, they were given a picture of their daughter. They knew right away that she was theirs. It was once again true love and the couple jumped on board. They named their daughter Ella and they loved her from a distance for many months. To be continued....
That is where the story ends for now, with them loving Ella unconditionally and from afar.
Ella, I wish I could be there to tell you this story myself, but it will come to you as you sleep. May it bring you security and happy dreams to know that you are ours and we are yours.
"after the dreams of falling and calling your name out, these are the roots and the rhythms, and the roots and the rhythms remain" ..Mommy's favorite song that she dreams about, Under African Skies. Hear it and know that you are the most loved child in the universe.
All my love, Mommy
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4 comments:
Grief is a toxin that comes naturally with life events but must be cleansed from the body. Tears are the natural cleanser, a part of the process of dealing with the pain when love and joy are struggling to move back to the lead in your life.
Oh, girl. My breath just keeps getting stuck in my throat.
Wish I could come down there and be with you.
Keep your hope ALIVE. Mine is!!
Love,
Jen
My lovely daughter,
I remember a time when you said "I will never get married because I will never find the perfect person for me." Well you did find that perfect person. And I know in my heart and I will never give up this feeling that you will have the other dream in your heart fulfilled. It will come true. You can never give up. You must keep dreaming and hoping and praying. I miss that wonderful smile. I am so sad when you are sad. I cry when I read your letters. My heart hurts so badly that I can hardly stand it. But I will not give up and I will not let you give up. Ella is waiting and needs all of us. THERE WILL BE A WAY TO COMPLETE OUR DREAMS. Love, Mom
Myamy, Be strong! Ella can feel you even though you are not there yet. God hears are prayers! He will watch over her! You are a mother now, be strong! We love you! We are praying for you and Charles and Ella.
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