I need you at the dimming of the day.

Dear Ella,
I am so sorry that I have not written anything recently, I have been a little down. Your Great Grandpa Flynn died on Saturday and Mommy is having a hard time dealing with both things. This week is particularly hard for me because this is the week I was supposed to meet you. For 4 months, I rehearsed the meeting in my head. Your Dad and I would come to the HOH on Monday--your 6 month birthday. They would bring you to us and hand you over, I would cry and so would your Dad. I can't get over the idea that I am supposed to be holding you right now, I feel I am being robbed. There is an emptiness inside of me. I wanted to be singing to you and rocking you to sleep, making you feel secure. Now your Daddy has to do that for me, Mommy is not strong without you. I need you baby, I need you to pray that this works out soon and that you get to come home to Mommy and Daddy. We miss you so much and we need you. I am mourning the loss of time, I will never hold you when you are 5 months, or 6 months. I will never know when you sat up for the first time or rolled over. I won't see your first smiles or your tantrums--I want that and I am sad and angry all at the same time.
I wanted to tell you a little about your Great Grandpa Flynn, he was a good man that made your Mommy feel very special. He took your Aunt Michelle and I on trips to Lake Cumberland and taught us to fish and water ski. We played cards and games and read Dr Seuss. As we got older, Grandpa kept records, he always video taped the experience, from my dance recitals to passing Triny dog over the table as we played cards and ate animal crackers. He owned a grocery store and made us feel very special, he gave me whatever I wanted and made sure we had what we needed. I will miss him but I also know that he will watch over you. Your guardian angels are plentiful!
I am closing this with the words from the song I will sing to you.
This old house if falling down around my ears I'm drowning in the river of my tears. You pull me like the moon pulls on the tides. What days have come that keep us far apart, a broken promise or a broken heart. I am living for the night we steal away. I need you at the dimming of the day. I need you at the dimming of the day.
Remember that you are loved more than any other baby in the universe. Your Daddy and I are coming to get you and hold you and love you. Don't lose hope, Mommy is coming! Mommy is coming! Mommy is coming!
All my love and wishes for sweet dreams,
Mommy