No Air

Dear Ella,
Hi my sweet baby. Mommy misses you so much. Every day gets harder, the questions in my head get harder to quell. I don't know how to do this. I am trying to be strong for your Dad and for you, but you dominate my thoughts. This empty house starts to close in around me. You should be here in my arms, I should be feeding you your morning bottle and instead I am alone with no idea when you are coming home. I hear babies crying and it kills me. How am I supposed to do this? How do I keep going? I don't want to keep playing like I am ok--I'm not! I hate this--I pray that God will do something, but my faith is failing once again. Maybe that is the problem, I am being punished for all the things I have done in my life and for not believing like I should. I have countless thank you cards to write for all of the beautiful things that people got you, but each time I try I sob uncontrollably. Maybe I am not cut out for this, maybe I can't handle it. Other people seem to go on and they are ok--I am a mess. I just want some word, some hope. Please God, I am praying, please please please help bring Ella home--I need her, I can't breathe without her.
Ella--help Mommy pray--I know you can hear me. Pray that this is settled and we can go to court soon. Mommy will see you soon, I am coming for you. You are the first thing Mommy thinks about when I wake up and the last thing I see when I fall asleep. Be a good baby, you are the most loved baby in the universe and we are coming to get you soon. Mommy loves you.
Mom